You go first.

You cannot ask your child to be or do things you are not willing to be and do.

If you want your son to stand up for himself, then you must stand up for yourself.

If you want your daughter to speak gently and kindly to others then you must first speak gently and kindly to those in your home.

​You go first.

When you have little people in your house experiencing Christmas for the very first or 4th time, it's best to put away all of the sacred breakables - your vintage ornaments, that keepsake china Santa from grandma, the West Elm glass reindeer. There will be years and years of displaying your finest and making your home a fabulous winter wonderland. These are not those years. Think of this as Basic Christmas. In fact, remove everything off the first couple boughs of the tree so little fingers can experience the joy of tugging on needles safely. One family routinely tied a rope around the top of the tree and attached it to a hook in the ceiling to give the tree a fighting chance of staying up if the toddler used it to pull herself up. Invest in one set of plastic non breakable decor for baby to hang on the tree or maybe even put up a baby gate.

I want to give you permission to do whatever you need to in your home to allow you to relax during this season and let your baby have her own relationship with your decor. Simplify!

Check out this site for paper ornaments designed for a Jessie Tree that would work great to print out (for free), color together and stick on the tree using good old scotch tape. The more your preschooler touched and created the ornament, the more she'll be content to let it sit on the tree. It won't be so mysterious and inviting. Merry Christmas!

​https://catholic-inspired.com/collections/advent-christmas/products/printable-jesse-tree-ornaments-free-and-easy

​I am a Christian Life Coach but… I confess I don’t always declare my Christianity when talking about my work.
 
Half of my clients are New Age ladies, Buddhists, Universalists and good old Yoga Goddesses. The common denominator seems to be the shared belief that there is something bigger out there and that that something bigger has love and abundance for you.
 
I worry that if I lead with “Christian,” you might discount me - assume I’m not a tolerant, open-minded person. Or worse, you might think that I will shame you with judgment or tell you your life choices are wrong.
 
No way, José!
 
I am a Christian that ministers right from my dirty “ugly” mat - the places where I am most wounded and still healing. I won’t pretend to have it all together. I am not trying to hide my ugly and I’m not afraid of yours.
 
If we all waited until we were healed to start healing others, this broken world would rot away.
 
I am a Christian that leans on LOVE whenever there’s a question of what to do next.
I am a Christian that uses prayer like a shield to protect you when I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about your situation.
Don’t look for me picketing or holding posters telling strangers what to do. I find my joy in intimate relationships, being authentic until I’m not. Then starting over again, apologizing and leaning into LOVE.
 
If you are still reading this, I saved the best part of being a Christian Life Coach for last. Come closer. I have a secret weapon and it is as powerful as the sharpest sword. I coach with the Holy Spirit. My intuition and my ability to discern and articulate your situation all come from the Holy Spirit. Before every session, I ask the Holy Spirit to guide my listening, my questions and my approach with my clients. And then I get out of the way. I have witnessed the Holy Spirit transform people’s lives in a way I know I could never do on my own.
 
Is there a part of you that you don't always share for fear people will make assumptions?

​When my kids were in preschool, I remember feeling unsure of what roles chores should play in their lives. Weren’t children just supposed to play and be kids?
 
I’ll never forget my friend Priscilla’s sage advice. She explained the importance of chores to her children (and to me).  It went something like this…
 
In today’s modern world, life is pretty easy. We don’t have acres of farmland to care for. We don’t have large animals to herd or feed. We don’t have to grow and harvest our own food until our hands are sore.
 
Farm life is beautiful in books but in real life it’s back-breaking work that makes every muscle tired. In our suburban home, we can be grateful that other people work the land so we can have easy access to food.
 
But of course we still have work to do to take care of our family. The floor in our house and the grounds in our yards may not produce food but they do produce comfort and shelter. A tidy home is the perfect place to recharge and prepare for the work done outside the home (like learning in school).
 
So we vacuum the rug, sweep the floor and rake the leaves. If we have a garden, we care for it and pick some food but we will also buy food at the market and wash it and put it in the right place for us to enjoy when we are ready. We will chop and cook and clean up our meals just like they do on the farm. Instead of caring for livestock, we care for our pets, our tables, our sofas, our toys, our beds.
 
Think of our house as our farm. If everybody does a little bit every day, we will always have a comfortable home.
 
Here are my tips for involving preschoolers in chores:
 
1. Model an attitude of gratitude. Kids are watching you to know if chores are negative. While you don’t have to be fake and act like chores are positive, you can shoot for neutral. This is just what we do to care for our belonging. The language we choose matters too. Practice saying, “I GET to wash these dishes” rather than “I HAVE to wash these dishes.” Your attitude will be contagious.
 
2. Assign Age Appropriate Chores. And by assign, I mean do along side your child until they get comfortable about the chore. Here’s one list to get you started. Got any to add?

​Age 2-3

• Clear their plate from the table to the kitchen
• Bring out snack plates (if stored within reach)
• Put dirty laundry in the hamper/washer
• Put toys in the toy box
• Put books on the bookshelf
• Help feed the family pet
• Fold kitchen towels and washcloths
• Throw diapers into trash
• Brush the pet (if gentle)
• Fetch diapers and wipes
• Dusting
• Unload the dishwasher of kid dishes & tupperware
• Dress themselves
• Restock toilet paper to the bathrooms
• Pour glass of water from small jug
• Scoop cereal into a bowl
• Wipe spills with a towel
• Drink from a glass
• Turn off light switch
• Pack and carry backpack
• Fetch products in grocery store
• Put leash on dog

 
Age 4-7

• Help set the table
• Make their bed
• Scrub veggies
• Feed pets
• Match clean socks
• Make salad
• Replace the toilet role
• Put away toys
• Prepare simple snacks
• Use hand held vacuum
• Disinfect door knobs
• Hang wet clothes/towels to dry
• Brush teeth
• Put away folded laundry
• Dump inside waste baskets into bag (held by an adult)
• Water plants/the garden
• Help put away groceries
• Put non-breakable (and not sharp) items in the dishwasher
• Switch laundry from the washer to dryer
• Help clear the dinner table
• Pack up their backpack for school
• Sort silverware
• Sweep floors

 
3. Simplify your Home & Schedule. It’s so hard to keep a home tidy when there is too much stuff in it. Same goes for the kids room. Children don’t need more than 3-5 toys available to them at once. So start a toy library where you store most of the toys in an opaque (not see-through) box. You will notice when the toys in their room begin to be less played with and that's when you rotate.  
 
4. Keep it Light. Celebrate Effort! Young kids love language is play. That doesn’t end when they start working. A great book on how to talk to (and motivate kids) is How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen by Joanna Faber.
 
5. Any chore worth doing is worth teaching. Sometimes we forget that kids don’t naturally know how to do the things we are asking of them. One smart momma created a system where her children work to get certified in each household chore. You have to watch the video of her son learning to clean the sink and getting his job certification.

Want some help teaching kids how to use a knife in the kitchen? Check out this awesome class.

6. Follow-through, Mamma!
Need some inspiration for staying consistent with your preschoolers chores? Check out this days of the week color wheel that you can download, color with your child and use to set a chore for each day. Like they did on Little House on the Prairie. Green day has to be gardening day, right?

If you need help in the chore department, please contact me to set up a complimentary coaching call. You can do this!

There are so many awesome resources for chore charts out there on the internet. Check out this blog about chore zones, and this weekly allowance checklist system. Below are some other printouts I've found or created. 
Just remember it;s ok to try a system and keep what works and throw out the rest. A family is constantly growing and changing so your chore system may have to change as well!
​

Click here for a 40 minute podcast explaining each of these tips for initiating difficult conversations so that the outcome is greater intimacy and a stronger relationship.

I've finally realized where most of my stress comes from over the holidays. It's not the bajillion christmas cards that need to be addressed. It's not decorating the house in time for my Crafty Christmas Party where everyone brings a handmade wrapped gift for a very cut-throat white elephant exchange. No, the part of the holiday that creates the most pressure for me is  making the holidays magical for my kids.

Wondering what the hubbub is all about? Come join me for free.

Last week I presented Building Cooperation through Rhythm to Moms Together, a Christian group of 100+ moms of preschoolers. Here is the audio which picks up right as I'm describing my youngest son. It's about 35 minutes long (but the recording continues a bit after I have finished talking). Hope this gives you some great ideas for adding honey to the transitions in your family's life. click READ MORE