You may be wondering exactly what I mean when I refer to Spicy Ones™.

But since October is ADHD Awareness Month, I wanted to clear up some possible confusion – Spicy One is NOT correlated with neurodivergence. But also, it’s not NOT correlated.

Okay, let me explain.

First off, ADHD and Autism are not bad words. They just aren’t. Neurodivergence of any type simply refers to different ways that brains process information. Yes, society often prioritizes ways of being that are considered normal – this is called ableism. And yes, there is often stigma associated with these diagnoses.

Spicy One doesn’t refer to neurodivergence, but it can encompass it. Simply put, whether someone is a Spicy One is in the eye of the beholder.

A Spicy One is possible when there is a perceived mismatch between the needs or expectations of the parent and the child’s natural drive for autonomy and self-expression.

Put another way, your child may be a Spicy One if the demands of parenting them are greater than your current level of resourcing.

Your Spicy One is your personal invitation to grow your love for yourself and your child unconditionally.

I received a letter this week that beautifully illustrated this fine line between a made up phrase to encapsulate the struggle of raising a counter cultural child and a diagnosis.

Here’s the bottom line:

I love the term Spicy One. I obviously think it’s helpful! But don’t let that convenient label stop your active search for what your child needs. If you suspect your kid has a diagnosis and believe they would benefit from more support, it’s your duty to help them find that support… no matter what some influencer on the Internet says.

And let’s be clear: I’m not a psychiatrist, pediatrician, neurologist, psychologist (or any other profession licensed to diagnose ADHD, which can vary by state and country). I am not qualified to tell you whether you or a loved one is neurodivergent or whether you personally should pursue diagnosis or medication.

But as an ADHDer myself, I just wanted to put in the good word – we’re here, we’re neurodivergent, most of us are also Spicy Ones, and we’re having a GREAT time.

Next week – I’ll be sharing some crowd-sourced questions, ideas, and scripts for how to talk to kids about differences (in themselves or others).

See you soon!