I almost failed out of business school.

Getting into Northwestern‘s Kellogg MBA program was a cakewalk for me — the application was writing and interview-based, two areas I naturally excelled in.

But once classes began, the sheer volume of information and deadlines almost knocked me out of the program. I relied heavily on my charisma and the mercy of my study groups to make it through my studies.

Overwhelmed and teary about my inability to “buckle down” and “get it done” like my classmates, I found myself in a therapist's office at the age of 29.

I walked out with an ADHD diagnosis.

It’s a common theme among late-diagnosed women: You slowly (or suddenly) reach the point where you’re no longer hacking it. Some of the bajillion plates you’ve been spinning start to wobble, a few come crashing down, and you start to wonder why this is all so hard?!

(You know, besides all the typical challenging aspects of mothering in 2023 – lack of support systems, the loneliness epidemic, the societal expectation that we moms do it all…and make it look easy!)

Anecdotally, I think the Covid lockdowns may have helped some moms come to terms with their neurodivergence. Stripped of the typical structure around school and work, and tasked with around-the-clock childcare, holding it all together for everyone in the household became even more difficult.

On the other hand, the freedom to SAY NO to at least some of the things also came as a relief for many.

(By the way, if saying no is a skill you’re working on, click here to get on the waitlist for my upcoming class on Boundaries on November 11th at 9 a.m. PST – just in time for the holidays! If you’re on the waitlist, you get an early bird discount code.)

October is ADHD Awareness month and while my definition of The Spicy One™ is not directly correlated with neurodivergence, sometimes there is overlap.

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is marked by an ongoing pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity that interferes with functioning or development. People with ADHD experience an ongoing pattern of the following types of symptoms:

Inattention means a person may have difficulty staying on task, sustaining focus, and staying organized, and these problems are not due to defiance or lack of comprehension.
Hyperactivity means a person may seem to move about constantly, including in situations when it is not appropriate, or excessively fidgets, taps, or talks. In adults, hyperactivity may mean extreme restlessness or talking too much.
Impulsivity means a person may act without thinking or have difficulty with self-control. Impulsivity could also include a desire for immediate rewards or the inability to delay gratification. An impulsive person may interrupt others or make important decisions without considering long-term consequences.

Source: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd

Let’s be clear: I’m not a psychiatrist, pediatrician, neurologist, psychologist (or any other profession licensed to diagnose ADHD, which can vary by state and country). I have zero business telling you whether you or a loved one is neurodivergent, whether you should pursue diagnosis or medication, etc.

But I can point you in the direction of resources that could be helpful if you’re interested in learning more.

First up, this article about late-diagnosis in girls and women called “The Lost Girls” is pretty powerful.

Here is a website with more information and resources about ADHD including an assessment designed by the World Health Organization.

And Jessica’s YouTube channel, “How to ADHD” has hundreds of videos on various topics related to ADHD.

For me, having an ADHD diagnosis has helped me understand myself better and have more compassion (and appreciation) for how my brain works.

For example, I’m intentionally staying kind to myself in this season of losing the orderly, persistent (and insistent) voice of my recently departed college freshman daughter — the one who helpfully reminded me to keep the kitchen clean. (Why, yes it is a mess right now, thanks for asking!)

*My Spicy One™ overseeing a kitchen tidy session.*

I accept that while I’ll never be the Queen of Cleanliness or Visual Calm in my household, I am the fun parent who always has something exciting to share or consider. Coming up with new and creative ideas is like breathing for me — and many in the ADHD sisterhood.

Over the next couple weeks, we’ll look at ways to helpfully discuss differences with your children – in themselves and others.

It can be so helpful to have clear language and ideas of how to approach these topics with our loved ones. But for now, feel free to hit reply and let me know what you’re wondering about!