Something I say a lot in my Insta DMs: “Spicy is in the eye of the beholder”.

Meaning that what I find challenging as a parent, you might think is a cakewalk – and vice versa.

The moment I realized that my daughter was…built different?

It was the week in my mom group we discussed the benefits of daddy-daughter dates – they can be a helpful time for girls to learn how they wish to be treated by future partners.

I’ve been reaching out to interview dad therapists and male parenting coaches to find the perfect co-host for a special meeting I’m planning.

To celebrate the 5th cohort of my Moms of Spicy Ones® program, I’m adding a Dads of Spicy Ones check-in call for members whose partners are interested.

Imagine a Zoom call just for dads to set goals, celebrate what’s working, and just look around to see a bunch of other fathers also struggling to produce first-time compliance in their children.

If you were my marketing manager (I don’t actually have one), you might have been surprised around Christmas when I posted an impromptu Reel on Instagram about grieving the current and historical rejection of LGBTQ+ Christians in many church spaces.

And, if you were my marketing manager, you might have cringed last Sunday evening when I ad libbed in Insta Stories about the 1946 Project, a documentary that uncovers how the word “homosexual” only entered modern translations in (you guessed it!) 1946. (Before then, those six clobber verses more clearly denounced only pedophilic relationships.)

All that is because (if you were my marketing manager) you’d know that my readers — you all — are an eclectic group of humans!

The internet gods are fickle.

You never can tell if the well-planned, high concept video will flop or if instead the off-the-cuff carpool line clip will soar.

Going viral is not predictable – and if I’m being honest, it’s not often entirely pleasant, either.

A recent comment from a 20-something year old Spicy One™ reads, “I am going to rip out my eyeballs and burn them so I never have to read anything you write again.”

I’m writing to you on a dark plane flying home from Nashville after an illuminating weekend with a group of friends I made on the Internet. Can I process it with you?

The five of us originally met on Instagram, though we’ve been formally zooming and texting for a year. Leading up to this weekend, I had only met one of the ladies in real life. I couldn’t stop wondering what could go wrong.

It felt like I was heading into an ideal setting for a modern murder mystery.

Even clunky affirmations can work magic.

A teacher in high school once told me in front of everyone, “Mary, at some point you’re going to drop the dumb blonde act and let people know how smart you are.”

It happened a few months ago with my Mild Child.

As my eldest prepared to leave for college, her not-so-little teen brother sprawled his nearly-six-foot frame across the couch and teased me:

“Face it, mom, all your babies are leaving! Two years after she goes, I’m gone too!”

My spicy retort rolled easily off my tongue before I could think it through, “Oh, it will be so much easier when you leave!”

“Who’s gonna cut my damn pancakes?!”

In this particular instance, my client’s five year old Spicy One™ was trying to elicit a laugh.

But often, when he got actually angry, his swearing was…less than humorous. I literally can’t repeat it here.

For the record, I don’t yet have my word for 2024 picked out yet. It’s so important. I can’t rush it.

But I can tell you for darn sure that I’m not doing traditional resolutions (and it’s not just because I’m an Enneagram Four).

If you feel alone and isolated this holiday season, I want you to know that I get it.

And you are not alone.

I’ve heard from hundreds of you on Instagram this past week about how deeply lonely your experience of motherhood has been.

For when the kids are off school…forever!

All that time off school and work for the holidays should be life-giving, right? But instead, it feels like a slog and a half. You know you will be overstimulated and overworked – like a holiday cruise director – and with a heaping dose of guilt to go along with it. Why can’t you just love every minute?!

For some parents, the holiday season is a long awaited time of blissful nostalgia with some additional social engagements and a touch of extra stress.

For others, there’s deep grief to process, twisted family dynamics and stressful obligations to navigate, mixed with a longing to serve others well and pressure to conjure up magical memories for our kids.

I wonder if this story will seem familiar to you.

“Dad, you’re making a face like you’re so disappointed in me right now.”

My client’s husband was perplexed. Had he made a face? Was he feeling upset?

His nine-year-old Spicy One™ quickly spiraled into a full blown meltdown.

“You’re mad at me! You don’t love me!”

Did you know that my freshman year of college, I got rejected from every single sorority I wanted? It was rough.

I called my mother in tears, and she told me something I’ll never forget. I’ve found it helpful navigating the world as my wild, creative self.

“Mary, you’re a very big personality. People throughout the rest of your life will either love you or hate you – there will be no in between.”

Now, to be clear – I don’t recommend this exact speech – however, in my dynamic with my mom, this was a watershed moment. She was compassionately attempting to help me understand myself in relation to the world.

You may be wondering exactly what I mean when I refer to Spicy Ones™.

​The short answer is – I made it up!​

But since October is ADHD Awareness Month, I wanted to clear up some possible confusion – Spicy One is NOT correlated with neurodivergence. But also, it’s not NOT correlated.

Getting into Northwestern‘s Kellogg MBA program was a cakewalk for me — the application was writing and interview-based, two areas I naturally excelled in.

But once classes began, the sheer volume of information and deadlines almost knocked me out of the program. I relied heavily on my charisma and the mercy of my study groups to make it through my studies.

Overwhelmed and teary about my inability to “buckle down” and “get it done” like my classmates, I found myself in a therapist's office at the age of 29.

I walked out with an ADHD diagnosis.

Some big transitions are foreseeable — like dropping off your child at college like I did last week.

Some are a series of tiny endings we don’t even notice until something we took for granted is long gone.

How do we prepare for the parenting milestones that come careening toward us?!

If you’ve ever found yourself at a loss for words when trying to say something uplifting to your Spicy One™ I want you to know something.

​You're not alone.

​Affirmations have been on my mind as I filled out letters for my college freshman to open when she’s feeling lonely or sad.

And it’s a familiar theme in my DMs.

For the spiritually-minded among us, I wrote a nondenominational blessing for Moms of Spicy Ones like you to celebrate Kayla Craig’s (@LiturgiesforParents) new book, Every Season Sacred. See the prayer below!

I was in a book club with some other young moms. One day, as I arrived and enthusiastically greeted each person around the table, one of the women snidely remarked, “You can’t just come in and sit down, can you, Mary? You have to make your GRAND entrance.”

Ouch. Perhaps she was naturally a more reserved person, slow to warm up, and my greeting felt too intense for her. Or maybe her natural tendencies were similar to mine, but she’d felt stifled in the past. My openness might have reminded her of shame she’d experienced previously when expressing joy.

​Either way, when people cast a moral judgment on our natural temperament, it can feel crushing to hear.

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Here’s a form I created to help you warn…er, equip your child’s teacher to best support them.